General Jackassery

Linkin Park’s new album “Minutes to Midnight” really is pretty distinct from what they’ve done in the past. I mean they have the usual catchy tunes they always have, but there are several songs on the album that seem a little out of their usual comfort zone of screaming. “Hands Held High” stands out as one of their best ever, I think.

Hands Held High

turn my
mic up louder I got to say something
lightweights step it aside when we come in
fell it in your chest / the syllables get pumping
people on the street they panic and start running
words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme I’m dumping
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that / I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something / take back what’s yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I’m sick of being treated like I have before
Like it’s stupid standing for what I’m standing for
Like this war’s really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn’t cater to the rich and abandon the poor
Like they understand you in the back of the jet / when you
Can’t put gas in your tank / and these fuckers are
Laughing their way to the bank / cashing the check
Asking you to have compassion / have respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like
What did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen,

In my living room watching / I am not laughing / cause
When it gets tense I know what might happen
The world is cold / the bold men make action
Hate to react or get blown to fractions
Ten years old / it’s something to see / another
Kid my age drug under a jeep
Taken and bound / and found under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
Do you see / the soldiers / they’re out today they
Brush the dust from bulletproof vests away
It’s ironic / at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There’s bombs on the busses / bikes / roads
Inside your market / your shops / your clothes / my dad
He’s got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back / he hand wrote a quote inside
“when the rich wage war it’s the poor who die”
And meanwhile / the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
The rest of the world watching at the end of the day
Both scared and angry like
What did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen,

With hands held high into the sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you….

You never know what I’m going to get into. I’ve made a lot of excuses lately. I’ve been traveling a lot, I had the shoulder surgeries and I’ve worked some long hours over the last month. While those might seem like good excuses for not exercising, they’re not good excuses for not eating right.

I worked very hard to lose the 40 lbs that I’ve lost and while I feel better than I’ve every felt I haven’t reached my goal. The problem seems to be that I’ve settled into this mode of feeling good and not really having the desire to commit myself to continuing the process of Operation Svelte. In all honesty I have another 35 lbs that I want to lose. I want to know what it’s like to be “thin.” I’m in the best shape of my life, and I’m probably close to the lowest body fat percentage of my life. Unfortunately I’m still considered overweight by medical standards. On the day that Sarah and I got married, I weighed 286 lbs and had a BMI of 34.8 (Obese). Today I weigh 238 and have a BMI of 29 (Overweight) to get “Normal” I must weigh 204 and have a BMI of less than 24.9. Now, I understand that BMI doesn’t take your skeleton into account or muscle mass. But, I’ve got a relatively small frame for my size and my only muscle mass is in my legs. So, I should be able to get down to 204 and that’s where I want to be. I would like to be classified as “Normal” for the first time in my life. It may be the only thing that’s normal about me, but that’s fine.

Where things have gone awry is in the fact that I’ve had a really hard time motivating myself. I really do feel great, my clothes fit so much better, I sleep better, I have more energy, and I’m the poster child for weight loss and its positive effects. That is what makes it so difficult to get past this point. You get caught in the web of comfort that and start to think that this is good enough. It’s not, not yet.

Sarah and I talked about this when we got back from vacation and I told her that this was something that I needed to do. I’ve always been someone who has had great goals and ambitions, but I’m not really a finisher. I tend to get off on great starts and then somewhere along the way I lose interest and never finish. I haven’t had a lot of personal successes lately and I feel like I need them more now than ever. I need to know that I can set goals and accomplish them.

A while back I created Todder’s List of Unfinished Projects, I put that list on my refrigerator and after two years I have still not completed all of the tasks. Some where too expensive, but others were left due to laziness and lack of desire. Today I’m laying out a new list of Unfinished Projects and I want you to help me stay motivated to finish them.

1) Finish Losing the Weight. I will set small incremental goals along the way to help myself stay on track. My first goal is to get back down to 235. My second goal will be to get down to 230. You get the picture, but the ultimate goal is to get down to 204.
2) Raise and additional $3000 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I’ve already raised $1000 in about 6 weeks. I have until October 28th to finish raising the rest of the money. Again, I’m setting incremental goals of $500 at a time. When I get to $1500 I’ll look for $2000. The minimum amount I have to raise is $3300, but I want more. I definitely need your help with the fundraising. I’m asking you to ask your friends and family members to donate to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society on my behalf.
3) Complete the Marine Corps Marathon on October 28th. Complete means not only finish, but finish well and be able to walk afterwards. I will accomplish this by getting back on track with my training runs. I ran 3.6 miles on the road on Wednesday at an 8:58 min/mile pace and I did a 3.5 mile trail run yesterday at 11:00 min/mile pace. I’m working hard on keeping my Plantar Fasciitis under control by stretching and specific exercises to loosen up and strengthen my foot. This Saturday I’ll do a 10 mile run and next week I’ll get back to my three mid-week runs.
4) As part of my overall fitness regimen I’ve been back to riding my bike. This allows me to work the cardiovascular system without beating my joints to a pulp. However, there is a new goal attached to cycling. On August 25th, I’m hoping to take part in a Team-Relay Ultra-cycling event. Three other riders and I will ride from the Southern Terminus of the Blue-Ridge Parkway to the Northern Terminus in less than 28 hours straight. We will probably take turns of 30 minutes or less on the bike and rotate on and off the bike for the better part of 28 hours. The total length of the ride will be 458 miles.
5) As a continuation of my cycling efforts, I would like to ride the Six-Gap Century in September.

Okay, those are my current goals. I’ll keep you posted on how everything is going. I know it sounds like a lot of stuff, but the fitness stuff is all pretty intertwined.

I’ve got too many irons in the fire right now. Between work and home life it seems like I don’t have enough time. Sometimes I feel like I’m back in college when I was up late and up early, but I don’t think I ever worked this hard when I was in college.

I promised to keep you guys up to date on my progress for Team-in-training and I’m glad to report that I’m right on schedule as far the fundraising goes. I have raised $975 so far with pledges for another $210 atleast. Unfortunately I think I’ve pretty much tapped into all the people I know. Now I have to start getting out of my comfort zone and actually smoozing a little to get the rest of the money I need.

As far as training for the Marathon goes, I’ve had some problems with Plantar Fasciitis. While my foot doesn’t hurt when I’m running it can be pretty painful in the morning when I wake up. So I’ve tried to limit my mileage to allow my foot to heal without totally losing my fitness base. I’ve also started back on the bike to keep my heart and lungs going strong. The past Saturday, I rode from the Von Braun Center to the top of Monte Sano Mountain and back (12 miles) before going for an 8.5 mile jog. I think I’ll take this week off again and start back trying to get into the regular running routine next week. Here’s hoping that my foot starts feeling better. I’m also planning on starting back with Pilates the week of the 4th of July. I truly beleive that part of my problem has been that I stopped that following the first shoulder surgery and my muscles have tightened up.

Anyway, I think that’s it for now. Please keep me in mind if you’ve got some spare change laying around that you’re willing to donate to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I need all the help I can get to raise $4000 more.

Thanks for checking in.

A week ago Sunday I was playing my second league hockey game and about half-way through the 1st period I managed to pop my arm out of the socket. Now, this is something that has happened on a semi-regular basis since sometime in 2001 when I dislocated it the first time. Anyway, it’s happened so many times that it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore and usually it just pops right back in. However, when it happened on Sunday, it stayed out of the socket for 15 to 20 seconds and it happened when I was reaching for the puck. I wasn’t hit, I didn’t fall down, I was just reaching for the puck. That’s the 2nd time in two weeks that’s happened and the 3rd time in 3 months. Then when I was at home later that night I was reaching down to pick up something off the floor and it nearly dislocated again.

Having had enough of my should popping out, I decided to make an appointment with the doctor to see what he had to say. My hope was that I could just go to Physical Therapy and strengthen the muscles. The doctor decided to refer me to physical therapy, but he also refered me back to the doctor that did my knee surgery in 2003.

Yesterday morning I went to the Orthopaedic Surgeon to see what they had to say. Dr. Alexander looked at the X-rays and then played around with my shoulder and said, “You’re gonna have to get this fixed.” He then refered me to another doctor at SportsMed who specializes in Shoulder Arthroscopy and Dr. Layton agreed that after looking at the x-ray and manipulating my shoulder that there is ligament/tendon damage in my shoulder that can only be fixed surgically. The only question is whether or not the surgery can be done Arthroscopically.

Thursday morning I go back to the doctor’s office to get an MRI. The MRI will not tell whether or not I need surgery but what type of surgery will have to be done.

Based on the x-rays, there was a visible defect in the ball on top of the humurous bone. The defect is caused by the humurous slipping out of the socket and colliding with some of the other shoulder structure. (This is how they explained it to me.) The MRI will determine the size of the defect. If the defect is very large then the surgery will have to be done by opening up my shoulder. If the defect is small they can fix it with the scope.

At the moment the doctors feel like the surgery can be done with the scope, so that will have me having a 3 inch scar on the front of my shoulder. I should know for sure on Friday.

Anyway, the surgery is already scheduled and one way or the other I will be having surgery on my shoulder on Wednesday the 7th of February. I wanted to give myself the month of January to continue training and hopefully be able to run the Half-Marathon with Brian at the end of January.

If all goes well, I will have my shoulder immobilized for 10 to 14 days, should be back to jogging in 4 to 6 weeks or less and should be fully recovered in 4 to 6 months. We’ll see how it all goes.

Apparently I’m addicted to golf lately. Maybe it has something to do with Tiger Woods being at the top of his game and making it fun to watch.

Anyway, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything and though I’ve had a real desire to post for some time now I have no idea what to write about.

So I think I’ll just leave this short and sweet for now, maybe I’ll have something to write in another day or so.

Goodbye for now, world.

I’ve written a lot about cycling because it’s something I do and it’s something that I’m passionate about. I’ve also written a lot about MonteSano and Bankhead Pkwy in particular. In 2003 when things weren’t going so well in my life and I wasn’t really happy, Bankhead was the place I would go ride to clear my head. I’ve also written a lot about pain having that effect. During that summer and park of the winter I lost a ton of weight, I was down to 255 lbs and I was getting pretty fast on my bike, but Bankhead still exacted a heavy toll on my body. I think no matter how strong you are there’s just something about pulling that kind of weight up nearly 900 vertical feet in 4 miles.

I remember a long time ago back in 2000 when I was trying to train for Bike South 2000 I would get Joan to meet me at the top of the Mountain, she was always proud that I could ride to the top, but during that time I was never actually able to ride the entire climb without putting my foot down.

In 2003 when I got down to 255 I was actually able to climb the entire lenght of bankhead without stopping.

After things settled down in 2003 and life got back to normal I started gaining weight again and I got back out of shape. At the time of Sarah and my wedding last year I was back up to 286 just 10 lbs shy of my all time high. It would be 2005 before I was able to come close to climbing Bankhead again, but I couldn’t do it. I would ride most of it but I would turn around shy of the top telling myself that I would not allow myself the fun of the descent if I had to put my foot down and catch my breath.

I work my ass off over the winter, literally and figuratively and by Christmas I was back down to 266. I struggled to maintain that weight as I changed my body. I climbed Bankhead again for the first time early this spring and it felt pretty good but it was a matter of finally being back to the form that I had in 2003.

Today, I broke a barrier that I never thought would be possible. I climbed Bankhead, I staid in control and probably climbed it as fast as I’ve ever climbed it. I road down to the bottom and then here’s where the barrier broke, I turned around and did it again. In 2000 I couldn’t climb Bankhead without stopping, today I did it twice!

I don’t know why this is such a big deal, but it is. How much time does a motorist lose by having to pass a cyclist? 10 secs? 30 secs? Can that time be made up? Is that time essentially negated because you’re going to get stopped at the light anyway?

People are in such a hurry to do everything these days that they are the ones that put people at risk, they are the ones that endanger cyclists, runners, walkers anyone on the side of the road trying to improve their health.

On the other side of the coin, why must cyclists antagonize the already upset motorist? People that ride two abreast on a 2-lane road are giving cyclist a bad name. They’re doing it in the name of sharing the road, but is that really sharing the road.

Don’t be in such a hurry and be considerate of others. Why is that so hard?

Well, here’s what’s going on.

Spending my last week ever in Pasadena. Unless I have to come out here for an actual design review meeting, I don’t see me ever coming back out here. There will be someone in this position for 120 days starting next week and then the permanent guy will be out here after that. Too bad I could be paid what they’re paying him. This position is a GS-14 position. To give you an idea, I’m a GS-12 currently and there is about $10k per year per grade difference. In other words I should have been making some extra coin while I was out here. Alas, I just take home per diem. That said I’m using that per diem to make my life a little less boring while I’m waiting to leave tonight. (Opie, this one’s for you. I’ll explain later.) Anyway, I bought a ticket to go watch the L.A. Kings play the Dallas Stars tonight. Since my plane doesn’t leave until 11:55, I’ve already checked out of the hotel and I have to (Oh I’ll be so sad to leave this office) leave the office at 5:00 I needed something to do to kill time. I could have gone to a nice restaurant and had dinner, but for the cost of a nice meal I got a ticket to tonights game. A little extra, well maybe a lot extra, and I’ll have a couple of hot dogs and watch the Stars pound the Kings. That said while I’m enjoying eating my dogs and watching the Stars pound the Kings, I’ll have to keep my trap shut since I’ll be cheering against the home team. Should be fun and a nice waste of time.

So, why is it that my plane leaves at 11:55 P.M.? Well, there’s this Red Headed Opie Looking MF with Facial Hair (RHOLMFw/FH) who’s getting married to his Red Headed Opie’s Wife Looking Woman (RHOWLW) this weekend. Since I was honored by being asked to be in the wedding between the RHOLMFw/FH and the RHOWLW I am required to be at the wedding rehearsal to be held Friday evening. When I was asked to travel to L.A. for the week, I knew that I would be able to fly home on Friday and I knew there was a flight that left LAX at 6:00 A.M. and would get me back to Huntsvegas at about 3:00 leaving me plenty of time to pick up the tux and head towards lovely Corner, AL (Yes! You read that right. Corner, AL) for the rehearsal. However, since the Project Manager waited until the last minute to ask me to go and then waited even longer to get the orders process, all the flights were sold out. The only flight they could get me on was one that put me back in Huntsville at 9:00 P.M. on Friday. While I’m sure the RHOLMFw/FH would totally understand this problem, I’m thinking that the RHOWLW would take serious offense to be not being at the rehearsal. So in an effort to not have my nuts in a sling (beware the wrath of a red headed woman) I decided to take the red-eye. I may not look so hot in the pictures, but atleast I won’t screw anything up!

And now on to the more embarrasing side of my life:

So, as I’ve said before I’m training for several triathlon and cycling events. The first of which is in May the week before Sarah and my first wedding anniversary. It’s a 100+ mile bike ride that goes through three states and over three mountains. While this would be an awesome accomplishment, I’ve got my heart set on completing an olympic distance triathlon in July. Since I’m away from my bike and I need to keep excercising I decided to bring my running shows with me to lovely warm CA.

Time to back track a little. Last week, I started getting back into the full swing of things. I swam over a mile and a half, I jogged about 5 miles and I rode my bike a total of 61 miles. One unfortunate side effect of being back outside jogging and Riding is the fact that my chest (the skin on my chest) is not used to having the wind blowing my wet shirt around. This causes chaffing. So after all that excercise my nipples ( yes, I said it, my nipples) were rather raw. Sarah suggests that I start wearing band-aids over my nipples to keep from chaffing, but I’m a man, how dumb does it look to have band-aids covering your nipples.

Fast forward, Monday I took off to run for about 30 minutes or so. It’s been very cold by SoCal standards and what happens to nipples when they’re cold? Well, I didn’t really think anything about it because they didn’t hurt. However, there was some chaffing that I wasn’t really aware of.

Last night I decided it was time for another jog. This time the jog would be much longer. I jogged 2.9 miles on Monday, on Wednesday I jogged 4.8 miles. About 3 miles in I notice that my chest is getting sore. What am I going to do, if I stop I’ll get cold (by now my shirt is soaked and it’s in the 50’s) so I keep jogging. When I got back to the hotel I looked in the mirror and noticed two little red spots on my shirt where my nipples are supposed to be. I take off that shirt to reveal my undershirt that has two 2″ diameter red circles on it. I think to myself, I’ve chaffed my nipples off. O-F-F off!

Actually they’re still there, but today, I’m wearing band-aids. Go ahead! Laugh, you know you want to!

It’s amazing how isolated one can feel sitting in the middle of 15 million people. As I look out the window at the palm trees and the incessant traffic on the freeways I realize just how glad I am to be a resident of the Huntsville Metropolitan area (pop. piddley squat). L.A. has its upside, the weather is nice the terrain is beautiful but the more I come here the more I want to live in the country, away from everything and everyone. That feeling could also be related to some of my frustrations with work, but I keep thinking it would be nice to live in the woods somewhere on the side of a mountain.

This started off as more of joke than any kind of reality, but I’m starting to feel more and more that I want to be involved in politics.

I know the last post was long, but if you read it, it very briefly described a gap that is developing in the ambition/motivation of American people vs. the rest of the world. I think there are a lot of drivers to this, but fundamentally this one is squezing us from both sides. Our parents have told us that we can do whatever we want to do. They’ve told us that they’ve worked really hard so we wouldn’t have to. As a result of this we don’t feel like we have to work anymore we’re already there and no-one seems to realize that you have to work to stay at the top. Actually you have to work harder to stay at the top than you do to get there.

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