General Jackassery

Well, I’ll have to admit that my weekend started out in a way that I didn’t want it too. Seems that I have this terrible habit of tripping over the same obstacles time and time again. You’d think that I would learn, but I always forget the things that tripped me up and 6 months later I’m back in the same position that I didn’t want to be in. I guess I have to look at the bright side of things, each time it happens I’m in a little better position than I was the last time it happened. But that’s neither here nor there, and it really has no relavance on my life other than I need to remind myself from time to time that I really need to pay attention to what I’m doing.

So despite the way things were heading into the weekend, everything turned out pretty good. I really enjoyed having the opportunity to relax and not get anything done. Just kind of mill around all weekend. I looking even more forward to next weekend since I have a three day weekend to get somethings done around the house. I have fire wood that needs splitting and gutters that need cleaning and I may take the opportunity to do a little painting as well. We’ll see how things go. I may also have a cat by next weekend, you never know.

Anyway, that’s really all I’ve got for now. Nothing introspective and nothing funny, just the blah from a very relaxing weekend.

Incase you didn’t know it. I love you guys (the ones I know anyway)!

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

(more…)

Well, either Geof will help me or Sarah will help me or I’ll have to figure out how to do it myself, but I wrote the text for the “About” page of this site and hopefully it will be up an running in the very near future. So if you get a chance feel free to check on it from time to time and see if it’s up and running.

Todder, Out!

Gee-0ff posted this regarding NASA’s future plans for space exploration. I’m kind of like Geof on this one, all I can really say is WOW! That’s almost enough for me to want to go back to school and get a degree in Aerospace Engineering. Ofcourse I could probably just go back and get a Master’s Degree in Aerospace, but with all the prerequisite course I would have to take I’d probably be better off starting from scratch. Oh well, guess I’ll keep my job here and watch from a far. This is truly going to be an interesting couple of years if everything goes like the Washington Post says it’s going.

That’s all for this post.

Todder, out

Yeah, so after waking up for the 4th morning in a row not being able to breath and having a strange tingly sensation in my throat I decided to try to get in touch with a doctor. I called the ENT (Ear Nose Throat) doctor that did my septoplasty and they told me that he wouldn’t be able to see me until the 21st of January. So, thinking that was too long to go without breathing I decided to venture out to the Doc-in-a-box that’s close to the office. The took blood from my arm to tell me what I already knew (I have a sinus infection) and then decided that it would be prudent to get me a shot of some sort of steriod and then prescribe antibiotics, decongestant and cough syrup (which has codine in it and that I don’t really need since I haven’t been coughing that much). I’ve never gotten a shot in the rump, it wasn’t really a pleasant experience and the nurse had cold hands. Didn’t hurt, the actual fluid that they injected hurt worse than the needle going in, and the nurse helping me pull my underwear back up over the band-aid she put on my butt was a little unnerving! Oh well, can’t be any more fun for them than it was for me. Although I do have a sexy ass and she might have liked getting to see it. Just kidding, all I have to say is Yaaaaaaaaak, yak, yak, yak!

In other news, I’ve been informed that I may have more readers than I originally thought, so WELCOME! I feel sorry for you if you read too much! I realized that many of my posts were far removed from the name of my site as they were not at all “jackassery.” So, I’ve been making an effort to lighten the mood a bit.

MOTIVATION! Okay so the constants and variables to Gee-off’s equation may not necessarily hold for this time of year, unless you change them to reflect the number of days since the last holiday. However, I’m still seriously lacking the motivation to be at work this week. It’s been a week long deal. It’s not that I don’t have plenty to do, it’s that I just don’t want to do it. I found myself pawning off some of the work to Mo this afternoon. It means that I’ll have to teach him how to do some things and it definitely means that I’ll be putting a lot of trust in him to make sure that he does it right, but I have enough to keep me busy and it will take a pretty good load off of me if he’s able to get this done. Anyway, hope the rest of you are having a better week than I am. I know Sarah’s not, I atleast have a computer from which to surf the net, she’s stuck at work with nothing but walls. Sorry, don’t mean to rub it in.

This has been a slow day!

That is all!

“In the lonely light of morning, in the wound that would not heal is the bitter taste of losing everything I held so dear.” “Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong.” “Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind.” These are lyrics that have resonated with me since I bought the CD. This has been a year of wonder for sure. I wonder if I’d known what I know now if I would have gone through what I went through? I wonder did this all have to happen to force me to make the changes that I’ve made? I lost a lot of sleep these last 5 months or so. Jackie and I were talking the other day and he said that he thought he could loose 30lbs in three months. I told him that I thought that was a little ambitious because it’s really hard to lose 10 lbs a month. He said, “you did it.” I told him, “Jackie, it’s not safe to do what I did. I was literally trying to kill myself. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, and I was killing myself on the bike. It’s not normal for a person to drop as much weight as I did as quickly as I did it.” It takes the fuel of rage, sadness, the thought that you are going to loose everything you ever wanted, the only thing you wanted. It takes the feeling of total helplessness (is that a word?) I was as low as I’ve ever been, I’ve never REALLY thought about killing myself directly, but there were times that I almost wished I would get hit by a car when I was on my bike or have some sort of accident that would just end it all. It seemed at the time that was the easiest solution for everything. If I was out of the picture it would make decisions easier for some people and it would just make others happier because they wouldn’t have the competition anymore. Who would miss me? THAT is how low I was! I could NEVER take my own life, but I could wish that something would happen that would. Looking back I realize how selfish that pattern of thought really is. When it was going through my head I thought that it would be best for everyone else, I thought that it would make her life easier and I’ll I’ve really ever wanted was for her to be happy. But I realize that I was only thinking about me. The EASY way is to end it. The hard way is to fight for everything that you want, to persevere through the hard times in your life and to never give up hope. If things are meant to be then they will happen, if they’re not meant to be then something else will come along. I’m not an overly religious person, but I do truly believe that there is a God and that there is a plan. It’s funny because I went to Church on Sunday with Mo and the pastor said something that struck a chord with me. He said that David was anointed King when he was a teenager, but he was never crowned as the actual King until he was about 30. He said, “I am always in a hurry, but God is not.” “Have you ever thought about the enormous amount of free time that God has?” I’m always in a hurry to get what I want, to get what I think I need, but God has a plan and he’ll execute that plan in his own time. Sometimes it’s really difficult to let things go. I tried and tried to make things happen, but they happened in their own time. Would they have actually happened had I not pushed as hard? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll never know because I can’t go back and test the theory. The point is that I don’t feel anymore secure in where I stand today than I did 3 months ago, but I’ll never allow myself to go as low as I went again. I’ll never stop working for what I want and once I get what I want I’ll never stop working to keep it, to keep improving it. I was asked the other day what my New Years resolutions were and I honestly hadn’t made any until that moment. Now I’ve made a resolution. My resolution is to love a little more everyday for the rest of my life. No matter what happens to wish for one’s life to end is not the answer because life is filled with mountains and valleys today I might be in the valley, but tomorrow I might be at the summit of Everest admiring the beauty that is this life and the gifts that we’re given everyday just because we get to live and see the sun rise one more time.

Well, it’s been a pretty productive day so far. Even though I didn’t get to work until about 10:00 this morning I’ve managed to fold laundry, straighten my room, vacuum the living room, my room, the hall and the office, sweep the laundry room and my bathroom, take out trash, straighten up my office (at home), get Nanook to the vet, run by the bank and take Sarah’s Christmas present (the one that Eddie Bauer screwed up) by the post office to ship it back so I can get a refund. I did that all before 10:00 this morning. The only things left to do are clean the kitchen, mop the floors (kitchen, bathroom and laundry room) and my house will be sparkly new and clean. (I sound like a fag right now I know. But I can’t stand to live in a pig sty anymore. I guess that’s just me getting old.) Despite not having much to show for my time at work so far I have still been productive here. I’ve been baby sitting the Electrical Engineering Co-op. She’s had all kinds of trouble getting Microstation to do what she wants it to do, so I’ve been their catch-all for helping them figure stuff out. And I’ve been in and out of cubical meetings setting up the plan of attack for getting out 95% design package out for the road that has been on my back since September.

In other news, there will be a new addition to Todder’s household. My friend Allison is desperately looking for a new home for one of her cats and I decided that I would take it. She’s solid black with gold eyes, and her name is Stich. She’ll be coming to live with me as soon as Allison get’s back from San Francisco and has a chance to get Stich altered. Then Todder’s animal farm will once again be in operation.

That is all.

So I’ve been letting the dogs in the house a little more often these days, partly because of Nanook’s having to be completely dry all the time (They’re outdoor dogs, they get wet when it rains because they’re too stupid to either go in the dog house or stay under the porch) and partly because I’d just like to spend more time with them (they’re cute and very sweet and they truly love their daddy). Anyway, I decided to leave work this afternoon. I got what I needed to get done done and there are only like 30 out of 400+ people there so I was about to die of boredom. So I’m sitting here in my living room surfing the net and I see this little head looking at me throught the window. Nanook and Niki are standing outside the door looking at me with these sad puppy dog eyes, “Please let us in, spend time with us, Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee!” So I decided to let them in where they could hang out with me in the living room. Nanook’s tail has yet to stop wagging and everytime I glance at Niki her tail wags. Nanook was laying on his side in the floor a second ago and his tail was smacking the floor in a perfect rythm. Kind of like my own little Kanine metronome. Oh and Nanook displayed some real athleticism moments before the metronome routine. He came in the living room and heaved himself up on the couch like it weren’t no thang! That is until I reprimanded him and told him to get down. I swear for a dog that’s never been trained the boy aint dumb. I didn’t have to get out of my chair or anything, he just got back down and hasn’t tried to get back up. That’s my boy!