General Jackassery

A little story: One day several years ago, I think sometime back in 1999 or so I met this girl, we were in a Karate class together. I had decided to take Karate just because I’d spent my entire college career taking classes that I was supposed to take and I’d never taken a class that I really WANTED to take. Anyway, I met this girl in my Karate class and we got along pretty well, but she was involved in a long term relationship with another dude. In what has always been my normal operating procedure I developed a significant crush on this girl. I thought to myself, “Man if I ever had a chance with this girl I would make her love me, I’ll be the best boyfriend she’s ever had.” Anyway, the class ended and nothing ever happened between us. Several months later I walked into an Economics class that I was taking for my Liberal Arts degree, sat down and settled in for what was going to be an extremely boring class when she walks in the door, sees me and comes and sits right next to me. I thought, “Wow, this is great, now maybe I’ll have a chance.” The class came and went and nothing ever happened. Finally, several months later she got involved in the ASCE and started paddling. One Saturday night after the ASCE regional conference banquet I finally realized that I was going to get my chance. We dated for about a month and in that time I went all out! I feel head over heals for her and I did everything I could to make her fall for me. Unfortunately I fell so hard and so fast that it scared her off. While she never said it directly, she broke it off with me by just not coming around or calling anymore. I was absolutely crushed. Really mad! I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for her. What it was about her boyfriend that was so good that I didn’t have. I stayed pretty mad for several months, through Nationals and I had the summer to pretty much cool off because I graduated and took the summer off. (I say I took the summer off, I went and worked on my Dad’s Catfish farm for the summer. Not exactly taking the summer off.) So I came back the next fall and things were a little better between us. Far less awkward, but I was still mad and hurt. I was too stubborn not to be around her though. I would stop by paddling practice despite her being there and I would do my job as President of the ASCE regardless of whether or not she was there. I guess that contact made things easier over time, helped me get over her quicker. (Or so I thought.) One January Anthony decided to buy a car in New Jersey. So, me, Anthony, Justin, and this girl loaded up in my old white truck and headed to New Jersey. We had a great time, we went through Washington, D.C. and up to Atlantic City (to the Casino’s) and then into NYC. It was a lot of fun, tiring, but a lot of fun. I realized during that trip that I never had gotten over her and I really wished things had worked out between us, but I realized another thing too. Things NEVER would have worked out between us. There wasn’t ANYTHING I could have done to make them work. It had NOTHING to do with whether or not I was “good enough” for her or if she was “good enough” for me. The fact of the matter was that we simply weren’t meant to be. While there were things that she liked about me, there just wasn’t the connection between us that I thought there was and that I wish there was. A couple of months after that trip to get Anthony’s car, things started to change between Sarah and I. Now, that other girl is sweet and fun to be around, but she doesn’t hold a candle to Sarah and looking back I really am glad that things DIDN’T work out.

The point is, you can sit there and say, “Why did she pick him over me?” “What’s so much better about him than me?” “She just want’s him because he has this or that.” But none of that is anywhere near the truth. The truth of the matter is that it simply wasn’t meant to be. I’m not “better” than anyone else, I’m just different and somethings fit better than others. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. The question is are you man enough to turn around and face that fact? Are you man enough to take her for what she is, a great friend? It takes time! It took me nearly a year. But, in most cases, it has nothing to do with you, and it has nothing to do with her being a bad person. Though for a while a really did think she as a real bitch. She knew where she had me and she stomped on my heart like it was roach crawling around the kitchen floor. That’s how I felt anyway. In reality, she probably thinks that you’re a great guy and she loves spending time with you, but when it comes down to being in a really serious relationship it simply doesn’t fit and you aren’t what she wants. If you were on the other side of things it would be a lot easier to understand that.

Don’t compare yourself to someone else, you’re always going to find differences. There’s no way to measure a man’s true worth when compared to that of another, there are too many differences. I never claimed to be “better” than anyone. Sure, there are somethings that I can do better than others, but I have enough skeletons in my closet that I have no right to judge or compare myself to another man and try to claim that I’m better than him.

What you do with your life is your own decision, you choose who you want to be and you can choose how you want to be, but you can’t change the things that happen to you and you can’t make decisions for other people. Be yourself, don’t compare, do what’s right for you and you will eventually find what’s right for you. It took me 27 years and I’m still learning and changing. I’ll never stop and I don’t think anyone should nothing in this world is perfect. Nothing in the world will ever be perfect, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t try to be as close to perfect as possible.