General Jackassery

I rode my bike today for the second day in a row, something I haven’t done in almost three weeks. It cleared my mind and allowed me to think about some things that I haven’t really thought about in a while.

See, it’s amazing to me how much your perspective can change in such a short period of time. Example: I rode my bike 30.5 miles today at an average speed of almost 18 mph. I rode further during my lunch break than the average person drives roundtrip to work everyday, and if you were to take into account the traffic that the normal commuter has to put up with I rode that 30 miles in about the same amount of time that it would take a commuter to drive the same distance, maybe a little longer for me but I’m on a friggin bicycle. Anyway, when I got back to work I got off my bike, exchanged my cycling shoes for the running shoes that I normally wear out to the truck and back (to save the cleats on the bottom of my cycling shoes) and decided to see where I stand. I took off running and ran a lap around University Square. University Square is about .6 miles. So I ran about 3/4 of a mile and rode 30.5 miles and I felt totally out of shape the whole time. Okay, so that’s perspective number 1. Perspective number two is when I first started riding again back in July, the first day I rode with the group from work, they dropped me, I averaged about 16.5 mph over 15 miles and I took a short cut around a hill because I was too tired to go up it. Perspective number 3, back in March I weighed 296 lbs, I got on my bike for the first time in probably two years and got the first real exercise outside of skating since my knee surgery the previous October. I rode 10 miles at an average of 14.5 miles per hour. Today I weigh 257 lbs. I’ve gained back 4.5 of the 43 lbs that I initially lost because I’ve been eating like a pig, drinking Mt. Dews and I haven’t been riding over the last three weeks.

When I started back riding I couldn’t see what I wanted because my perspective didn’t allow it. What I want today is to continue to loose weight, to be able to ride in the Cheaha Challenge, and eventually to ride in a 24 hr time trial next September. (there are a couple of other things that I want, but I may or may not get into that.) Anyway, what I wanted then was simply to get back in better shape. I was to the point where I would get out of breath going up a flight of stairs, I was 4 lbs away from a limit that I’d always said I’d never get to, I got scared!

Perspective, the reason so many people fail at dieting and loosing weight is because they do it for the wrong reasons. All my life I’ve fought my weight. It never really bothered me personally, but it always seemed to bother my friends, who made fun of me. It bothered my parents, who told me I needed to diet. It bothered my grandparents, who told me I was too fat. And it always bothered the girls that I would get crushes on, who never noticed me because I was the chubby little nerdy boy. A lot of things in my life have changed since the first of July when I moved into MY house. I took that opportunity to start a new life, to start over. I decided that I wanted to start taking control of my life. I wanted to do things for me, not someone else. As soon as I decided that, things started changing at an amazing pace. I got into cycling again and I loved it. I started playing hockey more and I loved it too. I started to feel better and stronger and to think more clearly and that clarity made me realize that there was something missing. I wanted Sarah back, so I told her that I wanted her back and we went from there.

I lost most of the weight that I’ve lost between the time I told her I wanted her back and now. The stress of being stuck in a Shakespearian love triangle probably had something to do with that, but I rode my bike harder and harder and harder over those months because pain is like a drug. If you make yourself hurt bad on the outside it can mask some of the pain on the inside. So I started climbing more and more. The reason I climbed hard everyday is because it started getting easier and I couldn’t hurt myself as bad if I wasn’t climbing Bankhead/Fearn everyday. So I’d loose weight and I’d ride faster until about 4 weeks ago I did something I’d never done. I rode the Cruisin’ in the Country Century. Prior to that the longest I’d ever ridden at one time was about 90 miles, but that was 3 years or more ago. Saturday, Nov. 7th arrived, it was raining and I looked at Sarah and told her I was scared I wouldn’t make it. I didn’t want to let myself down, and I didn’t want to drag her all the way to Claxton, Ga. just for her to see me fail. That fear drove me. I rode the first 50 miles alone, only 3 people passed me and I averaged almost 19 mph by myself for the first fifty miles. It was an incredible feeling, I was half way there and I was flying. 60 miles in I hooked up with a group that had been leap frogging me for a while and I finally decided that I didn’t need to be doing all the work by myself so I sat on their wheels for about 8 miles and then we eventually broke into a smaller group and I started taking my turns at the front. I finished the ride in a sprint with 4 other guys doing over 30 mph and my final average was 19.1.

Perspective, 4 weeks ago I was able to do that. Today, no way! Even though I rode 30.5 miles and ran 3/4 of a mile today I don’t think I could ride that long, that hard because I’m out of shape. (talk about a long way to tie that in.) How compared to the average person I’m far from out of shape, compared to myself a short 6 months ago I’m leaps and bounds ahead of where I was and now I still consider myself out of shape.

What’s the point? That’s a good question. The point is my whole perspective on life changed when I bought my house. Honestly I knew that there were plenty of things wrong with me before I bought the house but my tendancy was to point fingers. I pointed my finger at Sarah and told her that our relationship was broken because we didn’t talk anymore. I pointed my finger at Geof because he didn’t do things around the house like I wanted him to, I point my finger at Blake for the same reason. I pointed my finger at Mo because I took his dog in. Did I ever talk to Sarah? Did I ever ask Geof to do things? Did I ever ask Blake to do things? Did I really sit down and talk to Mo about the dog? The answer to all of those is a resounding NO, instead of acting in a way that I should have I just got mad. Granted I was already miserable because my knee was screwed, but that was my own fault too! When I bought my house I told myself that I was going to start over, that I was going to start making things right with my family and friends. It still took more than that. What it really took was a scathing email from my Dad. I was ready to start changing, but I didn’t know where. For the first time in my life my Dad absolutely blasted me and I told him he was right. I didn’t fire shots back, I didn’t ignore him and move on, I listened and read what he had to say. I took the blow and told myself I deserved it. Since then my perspective has changed. My friends always treated me wonderfully, my girlfriend always treated me wonderfully and I took them all for granted and even neglected them and my family as well. I’ve made it my mission in life to be a better person. I’ve done so much over the course of my 27 year existance to push people away from me because I thought I didn’t need them. The fact of the matter is that I would be where I am without them. Took 26.5 years to really start to figure that out. I wish I’d learned it sooner, but I’m glad I finally did learn. So you see, what a difference 6 months can make in terms of a persons perspective.