General Jackassery

I’ve heard some people say that not all people are meant to be thin. Sometimes I feel like that’s a true statement. I’ve been at or around 270 lbs for nearly a year and on the surface I feel like I can’t do anything to change that. It almost feels like I’m at the weight I’m supposed to be at. At least that’s what I tell myself. There’s a part of me that really wants to lose this weight that I’ve been carrying around for so long. That same part of me is telling the rest of me that it’s a necessity. If I was meant to weigh 270 lbs, why would I have three degenerating discs in my lower back? Why is one of this discs herniated and another on the verge of being herniated? If I was meant to be 270lbs, why would I have knee issues, hip issues, shoulder issues?

True, there are some people out there whose bodies are capable of supporting the extra weight. Does that mean they’re meant to be at that weight?

I submit to you that no one is meant to be over weight. Just because your body can support it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be that way. I know for a fact that my body can’t support this weight and that’s why I have arthritis at 33 years old. That’s why my back is messed up.

It’s been over two years since I started my journey to lose my unwanted weight. I started at 286 lbs, I got down to 230lbs and I currently weigh about 270lbs. Over two years to net 16 lbs of weight loss. I beat myself up about gaining all the weight back, but the truth is that I’ve lost 16 lbs over the last two years and I’ve maintained that weight loss. That’s a good news story.

Now, I’m going to restart the rest of my journey. One day at a time.

According to Sarah, I got Nanook in June of 2002. He was about 12 weeks old when I got him and his little sister from a foster home in Athens. I didn’t know when I got them that they were infested with intestinal worms, so bad that they were throwing them up. By the time I got them down to my Dad’s farm little Annabelle was too far gone to be saved. She died within 72 hours of me getting her. Nanook on the other hand, soldiered through and after some very precarious nights, he came out of it seemingly unscathed. The experience taught me a lot about my dog. He was tough, tougher than anyone would have ever realized from a 3 lb dog. He didn’t complain, he’d just look up at me with those sad little eyes as if to say, “I’ll be okay boss.”
The first three years of his life seemed like a constant battle. He had the intestinal worms, he had demodectic mange (so bad at times that he scratched his flesh off), he got heart worms, he faced death so many times during his first three years that I wasn’t sure how long he would live. I always knew he wouldn’t live to be 14, but I had hoped for at least 10.
June 25th I took Nanook, Nikita, and Stitch to the vet for their yearly check-up and shots. As part of the insurance plan I had for Nanook, they did x-rays and showed me that they were clear and everything looked normal. But over the past couple of weeks, I started to realize things weren’t normal. If there was one thing Nanook loved, it was food. He loved it so much that he would brave the territorial Siberian Husky and try to get in her food bowl if I didn’t put his food down first. It was almost annoying.
Over the last couple of weeks, that started to change, Nikita was starting to try and eat his food. It turned out that Nikita’s forays into killing the critters in the yard had lead to a case of tape worms and she was ravenous with hunger because the worms were getting her food before she could absorb it. We got that fixed but Nanook’s appetite still didn’t seem right. On top of that, his belly was starting to look more and more like a pot belly pig. The last straw was this Saturday when we took the dogs and the boy for a walk and Nanook just couldn’t keep up. Not only could he not keep up, he looked like he was depressed that he couldn’t keep up.
The vet told Sarah this morning that the tumor was attached to too many organs and had too many blood supplies to feasibly remove. He would have been willing to try, but there was a high probability that Nanook wouldn’t have survived the surgery since they were already having problems keeping him stable even before they started working on him. Because of the struggles of his life and the dim prospects of a successful surgery, we decided to let him go.
I didn’t know how Nanook’s death would impact me until today. As I sit here writing this post, I’m looking at a picture Sarah took of him, you can see the love in his eyes. He loved me like there was no tomorrow. He was the first dog I got by myself and with the exception of Toby, he been with me the longest of any pet I’ve ever owned. I will never forget our road trips to Wisonsin and North Carolina. I’ll never forget making special trips to McDonalds to get Chicken nuggets because he loved them and I loved him. I’ll never forget the walks on the mountain, or the love he had for any person who was willing to pet him. He is truly the best dog I’ve ever known.
Buddy Boy, I hope that doggy heaven has all the chicken nuggets, Pemmican Beef Jerky and snausages a dog could ever hope for. I hope that you find friends and your sister and that you’re happy forever. We love you!

I’ve been researching jogging strollers over the last week or so. Sarah’s mom picked up a jogging stroller for us at a consignment sale several months ago, but I’ve never really liked it. It’s the most stripped down version of a jogging stroller that you can possibly get. It’s not really a lack of features that causes me not to like it, it’s the height of the push bar. The stroller is really made for someone who is 5’5”, not 6’4”. The two other complaints I have are that it doesn’t have any kind of canopy to keep Micah out of the sun and it doesn’t have any place to carry a water bottle for me. So, I ordered a Schwinn Free Runner LT. It cost more than I really wanted to spend, but it’s got all the features that I wanted and none of the crap I didn’t. (Sorry Jeep, I don’t need speakers on my stroller.)
So, the stroller should be here tomorrow, but Micah has been sick all week and I’m not sure I’ll be able to get to run with him until he starts feeling better. We still take him for walks in the Chicco Stroller, but that’s much slower and less wind to make him cold. He’s been a trooper over the last week but I’m ready for him to be back to normal.
On the Job front, things are going fairly well. I’m finally starting to settle in and fit in a little better. I still have a long way to go before I feel really at home, but I have more confidence that I’ll get there.

Okay, so I’m going to do it again and maybe the third time will be the ticket. Maybe this time, with focused training and enough miles I can get through a full marathon without cramping, without walking and without feeling like absolute crap for the next couple of days.
I’ve decided to start training for the Flying Pig Marathon in Cincinnati, OH on May 2, 2010. The race is exactly 36 weeks from Sunday. That’s pretty convenient since I need to lose 36 lbs to get back to the weight I was at when I ran the Marine Corps Marathon. One pound per week for the next 36 weeks should be fairly achievable.
Sarah and I have been talking about getting up in that area to visit with her Aunt and Uncle and I’ve heard this is a great race. I’ve been itching to get back into running because it’s the only thing that helps me consistently keep weight off. Hockey is fun, but for some reason I don’t lose weight with it. Cycling is nice, but I’ve had equipment issues with my bike lately and while I love riding, there’s nothing more frustrating than getting an injury because the bike is screwed up. I can run anywhere and everywhere, all I need is a pair of shoes, some shorts and a shirt.
So here we go.

1/14/2009

Water Intake = 128 oz Diet Soda Intake = 64 oz
04:30 1 Cup lowfat plain yogurt, half cup of grape nuts, 1 cup mixed frozen fruit, 2 slices of turkey breast (510)
05:30-06:45 Ice Hockey (-793)
08:15 Can of Mt. Dew and the remainder of the yogurt, grape nuts and fruit mix.(calories counted above.
08:30 Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Nut Bar (170)
10:15 Quaker Simple Harvest Apples and Cinnamon and an Apple (225)
11:45 SW Chicken Chili and Salad bar at Jason’s Deli with medium Diet Coke (refill) (900)
17:30 Beef Taco Salad at home, 2 oz Tostitos Natural Blue Corn Chips (1200)
20:00 45 Minutes of Hard cycling on the trainer (-936)
21:15 ¼ Raisins and Nature Valley Bar (300)
Basal Metabolic Rate = 2416.6
Total Cal Consumed = 3305
Total Cal Burned = 4145.6
Calorie Delta = -840.6
Calorie counts are based on nutritional and exercise info found on the internet using google search.

1/13/09

Water Intake = 128 oz Diet Soda Intake = 46 0z
06:00 Quaker Naturals Oatmeal, two homemade regular milk biscuits with 1 tbsp shedspread
Margarine and two pieces of jimmy dean regular sausage (670)
10:00 kashi honey almond flax chewy (140)
11:00 Foot Long Oven Roasted Chicken Breast with provolone cheese, lettuce, onions, salt and pepper and lite mayo with cheddar cheese potato chips and a medium diet pepsi with a refill. (1070)
15:00 Can of Diet Mt. Dew
17:30 Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Peanut Bar (170)
19:00 6 oz Chicken Breast Broiled, 1 cup of green beans, 1 cup of Mac and Cheese (427)
20:30 ¼ cup of raisins (130)
21:15 44 minutes on the trainer (-936)
Basal Metabolic Rate = 2416.6
Total Cal Consumed = 2607
Total Cal Burned = 3352.6
Calorie Delta = -745.6

Since I’m the type of person who tries to hide what I eat so other people won’t know, I’ve decided to post everything that I eat here. Good or Bad, I’m going to post anything that’s gone into my mouth on this website for the next couple of weeks at the very least. I’ve gone out to the internet to research the calories that are in my food and I’ve posted the calorie count along with the my base metabolic rate and the exercise that I do in a day. So you’ll see my intake vs output. Good or bad.

Here was yesterday’s Intake and Output.

1/12/2009

Water Intake = 96 oz Diet Soda Intake = 88 oz
04:30 Peanut Butter and Jelly on Wheat and Diet Pepsi (535)
05:30-06:45 Ice Hockey (-793)
07:10 McDonald’s Sausage and Egg Biscuit, Hash Browns and Large Diet Coke (620)
09:00 Two Little Debbie Oatmeal Crème Pie (330 Cal each – 660 Cal)
11:15 Nachos Bell Grande and Supreme Taco with Large Diet Pepsi (1000)
14:15 Orange and a can of Diet Mt. Dew (45)
16:30 2 oz Pringles and a can of Diet Pepsi (320)
18:00 Taco Salad and diet Mt. Dew ( 3 oz Tostitos Natural Blue Corn Tortilla chips, 4 oz ground turkey with taco seasoning, ¼ cup Sargento Mexican cheese, 1 Tbsp Sour Cream) (676)
20:20 15 minute walk with dogs. (Negligible)
20:40 44 Minutes on the Trainer (-936)
Basal Metabolic Rate = 2416.6
Total Cal Consumed = 3856.0
Total Cal Burned = 4145.6
Calorie Delta = -289.6
Calorie counts are based on nutritional and exercise info found on the internet using google search.

A couple of years ago I started off down a road to wellness. I joined LA weight loss so I could learn to eat healthier and so I would have someone to hold me accountable for what I ate. I also started training for marathons and slightly less than two years ago I completed my first marathon. The end result was that by the summer of 2007 I had lost 56 lbs. In October 2007 I trained for and completed a second marathon while raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

After my second marathon, things started to go downhill. I trained so hard for the marathon and pushed my body so hard to finish the marathon that I sustained some injuries that just wouldn’t go away. See, I’m not a runner and my choice of words, “I finished a marathon,” is not an accident. I’ve never run a whole marathon and in my opinion I’ve never finished a marathon well. Both efforts pushed my body and mind to their limits and it took days just to be able to walk normally again after the effort.

Sometime between the two marathons I lost my edge with nutrition. I plateaud on my weight loss, I stopped going to LA Weight Loss centers and really relied on the training to keep the weight off. I had this mentality that I needed to eat more because I was running so much, and while that’s a true statement, what I was eating to boost my caloric intake was totally wrong. I justified eating double quarter pounders by saying that I could afford to eat those since I was going to do a long run on the weekend.

Overtime, those double quarter pounders were a habit that was all too easy to fall back into. That was after-all how I’d eaten for a long time before I joined the weight loss program. After I came back from the second marathon and was injured, I kept eating but wasn’t training. I gained about 10 lbs between October and Christmas. It was the holidays; I would get back to training in January after I healed up. I took a new job in December, Sarah and I found out in January that we were expecting Micah and life just continued along at a blistering pace.

Jackie and I signed up to run the half-marathon in Nashville in April. We thought doing a half would be a nice way to slowly get back into training. We had both gained weight back, we both had injuries to get over and the half marathon is a much more forgiving distance. This was a plan that would have worked but my eating habits weren’t good. There’s only one thing worse than eating habits, my training habits. I just couldn’t get back in the groove. April came and I considered not running the half. In the end I “finished” it, but it took so much longer than it should have. By the time July rolled around I had gained 30lbs back and I can’t run more than a mile or two without having knee problems.

I always told myself that if I had a something to train for, I would work hard enough to be able to complete it. The problem is that I’ve always looked at it from the standpoint of training and I’ve never put the training with the nutrition.

I’ve always looked at eating the right foods as a diet, something that is short term until you loose the weight and once the weight is off you can go back to eating how you want to. I know…..for someone who’s supposedly smart, that’s pretty stupid logic. But, it doesn’t change the fact that I think like that.

They say that first step towards recovery is recognizing that you have a problem.

I have a problem. I eat when I’m stressed. I eat when I’m bored. I eat when I’m tired. I know the types of food that I should eat. The types of food that I could eat that would help me with stress, boredom, tiredness, depression. The kinds of food that I would not feel guilty eating, but just today I went down to the cafeteria, bought two oatmeal cream pies and ate them both. I ate them fast so no one would see me eating them. I ate them fast because deep down I was embarrassed that I was eating them fast to hide the fact that I did eat them. I played hockey this morning though, I burned a lot of calories so it’s okay. I won’t gain weight because I’ve already burned those calories.

I’ve disappointed myself on a regular basis because I hide away somewhere and eat snacks that I should leave alone. I want to loose the weight that I’ve gained back and more, but I haven’t found a way to let the snacks and the junk food go.

It’s been over a year since I posted anything on this site and you’re going to have a wait a little while longer. Life has been very hechtic and a lot has happened in the last year. That said, I’m ready to start writing again. I just have too much going on today to start back right now.

November 21, 2007

Hello Team,

I hope this letter finds you all in great health and happiness this Thanksgiving holiday. I realize that I have taken way too long to get this letter out to you, but it has actually taken this long for me to find the words to describe the experience that has been the last 6 months of my life.
As you know, six months ago I set out on a journey to do something that would honor my friend Brent. I decided I wanted to find a way to help others while helping myself at the same time. While I was trying to find the means to do this, I came across an organization called “Team-in-Training.”
My decision to join Team-in-Training was not an easy one. It’s hard enough to train for a marathon, but training for a marathon and trying to raise money added an entirely new dimension. I wasn’t sure this was something I could accomplish but I knew I had to try. So, with the help of my friend Craig and some long discussions with my wife Sarah, I made the decision to take on the challenge.
I spent months getting up early just about everyday of the week, including Saturdays and Sundays, to train. I ran, I biked, I played hockey, I hiked, and I did anything and everything I could think of to build strength and endurance for this. I wrote letters and did everything but beg for people to donate to this cause. I met people I’d never met before and I asked them for their help. I asked my doctors, coworkers, physical therapists, friends, family and perfect strangers I’d met on the plane. I worked my way through several injuries and did my best to make it to the start line in October, healthy and prepared.
My original goals were to raise a minimum of $3300 and to finish the marathon stronger than I had finished my first. In the end, I raised a total of $3950. When, I got to the start line of the marathon I wasn’t sure how I was going to do. It was a cool morning and everything felt reasonably good. I decided I would try to finish in 4 hours and 30 minutes. I took off and everything went really well for the first 20 miles. Yeah, I said 20 miles. Then as I did in my first marathon I started to have some problems with cramps and was forced to run/walk the last 6 miles of the run. I finished in 5 hours and 48 seconds. While it wasn’t what I’d hoped for, I finished and I improved by 36 minutes over my first marathon time. I was tired and my legs kept cramping for the next couple of hours after the marathon, but, I was happy.

Crossing the finish line at the Iwo Jima memorial was and will probably always be one of the most memorable moments of my life. It was like the end of a journey and finishing was such a relief. I’ve never considered myself good at accomplishing goals I’ve set for myself. This wasn’t perfect, but it was a good start. I did it!

This experience has been one that is truly beyond description. I think I actually grew more emotionally than physically. Your generosity has been a lesson to me that I need to be more generous with my time and my money. The frailty of human life has been a lesson that I need to cherish every moment that I’m here on earth and that I need to love my family and friends more. The support of this team of people that was assembled to help me achieve my goal has been a lesson that “we” can accomplish anything and we can beat cancer. The strength of the people who are fighting cancers of all types is a lesson that my suffering is miniscule. The sum of these lessons is that we are truly blessed to experience all things, good and bad, in life. These experiences shape us; they make us better, stronger and hopefully ever more passionate about the things we love. That is the lesson about life that Brent taught me. Brent loved life and he let everyone know it.
I know that my words are not the most eloquent, but I hope that when you read this letter you’ll understand what an experience this has been for me. There is no way I could have done it without the generosity, love, support and encouragement I received from my family, friends and even those of you who don’t even know me. Special thanks go out to my wife, Sarah, for supporting me through this whole endeavor; to my sister, who has treated me like a rock star this whole time and to Craig Herr for helping me find a way to raise the money. Thank you all so much for helping me honor Brent and everyone who has been touched by cancer.

Sincerely,

Todd L. Watts